"Salvation Lets Their Wings Unfold" by Amanda Rosberg Olsson

Salvation Lets Their Wings Unfold

It was Tastin's first time setting down. Others had been to the same place when they needed rest and she trusted their judgement. As far as she trusted anything anymore. The place, though, was as lovely as she'd heard it described. It was quiet and all and any needs were catered to.

For the first time in the week Tastin had been there she had chosen to go down to the main building. Tired of the loneliness, although not the silence, she had sought the company of others. The main building differed completely from her rooms. While her own suite was a perfect image of Zen, if she were to set a name to this place it would be serenity. The walls were light green and the furniture wicker. There was a juice bar serving iced beverages of various more or less exotic flavours. In the room with her where she sat on a wicker loveseat was an elderly couple whispering with each other over a crossword puzzle. It almost made her smile to watch them. Almost.

In reality she didn't know what would ever make her smile again. No pleasure seemed adequate to surpass or even match those she had become accustomed to. But thinking about those made her want to flick her wings and that only served to send fundamental pain shooting through her body. That was also why she had kept to her room earlier. Now she felt them press against her back and the soft bones seemed to burn against her skin.

She was the only one of her kind at the resort. Considering everything, she was relieved it was so. It was… relaxing to pretend she was human for a while, however brief. Perhaps she didn't need to pretend. She had had plenty opportunity to think on the subject, and she had. How could she not?

It seemed all the others of her rank did not consider there to be any down sides to this change in management. Perhaps all their time on earth had caused them to adopt the humans' obsession with freedom. But then again, couldn't it be that they too were afraid? Afraid that this new master, who claimed not to be their superior, would be the same as their old. She knew she was, that is why she never spoke of her doubts. Couldn't it be the same with the others?

Her musings was interrupted by one of the staff coming up to stand next to the sofa. Her smile asked whether it was anything Tastin needed. Tastin simply shook her head but couldn't help herself but to look inside the waiter's soul, her name was Karin, and search for the key to this one’s salvation. Old habits die hard as these humans say.

It felt like a joke, this reality, and so she felt the need to laugh. Tastin quickly rose and left to stand on the terrace. But as soon as she got felt the sun shine directly on her tanned face the impulse went away. She thought about the sensation of feeling the sun on her wings as she spread them wide and flew. Yes, that was what it meant to be truly free. But because of it she was trapped on earth, her wings rotting away.

Anger spread through her body in a flash and she jumped the railing and ran up the grassy plain in front of her. Undoubtedly the old couple cast long eyes after her and thought of the crazy youths in that day and age. But she had seen every age. She had witnessed the first town grow and eventually she had been one of the first to step down on the earth, offering salvation to the people. Stubborn as they had been.

Tastin discovered herself smiling. Yes, as one of the oldest of her rank she might have thought of herself as a mother to them once. But she no longer had any obligations to them, to anyone, not even to herself. She was allowed to spread her wings whenever she wanted, to accomplish any goal her heart desired.

She stopped in her tracks when the thought rooted itself more firmly in her mind. Her breath was heavier than she had thought possible. What did her heart desire? This new master had not been specific what it meant, what it was he really wanted of them. There must be another motive behind his actions. He had thrown over the Lord they had all obeyed for so long, the One who gave birth to them. Though he had taken that step long ago, but failed in his objective. His children turned out not to be the manifestation of His will any more than the humans were. He had even been struck down by one of the most cherished of His sons. Still Tastin could feel the echo of her Heavenly Father’s death Would His hold on her soul ever be loosened?

Tastin had been the only one in flight during that time. She had felt the call to earth when one of her subjects was about to die. She sat with him during his final moments, this boy who should be too young to die, and led him into salvations. He was there, staring wide eyed in amazement and wonder, as her pearly white wings unfolded. Tastin had smiled and felt true happiness shine out of her own soul. She reached out her hand and the boy took it. Together they began their flight to heaven, and God. She thought of the light that would soon surround her and how this little one would be happy, and forever saved. The impact on her soul, her very being, was so great that she lost grip of the boy's hand. She was stunned and didn't feel as she plummeted to the earth. Her wings, as they did were she stood on the plain, felt as though they were burning, but slowly cooling down as Divine Grace was purged from the world and the heavens.

Tastin couldn't stand it anymore! She grasped at her clothing, not able to be free of it quite soon enough and ripped it apart. Such was her strength. Now that she was allowed to use it. She let out a short scream the last moment before she was rid of her blouse and fell to her knees, which were bare underneath her skirt. She could imagine how she'd look sitting there in the grass, had anyone been watching her. But she had run too far away from any building, she was safe.

She wore a white bra. Even as the blouse was gone she could feel the tips of her shrunk, pathetic wings touch her back. The bare bones had shrivelled and had a sickening blackish grey colour. She hid her face in her hands as if they would go away if she didn't acknowledge them. The tears that flowed from her eyes were bitter.

Eventually Tastin got up and walked back to her cottage. She didn't worry about being seen by anyone, she couldn't bring herself to care enough. With every step she felt the bones graze her back. The sun was setting when she arrived. Her dinner was sitting at the table. The discrete service of the retreat. Tastin at times enjoyed food but she didn't feel like indulging in this particular human vice but turned to sleep instead. She removed the remaining clothing. As she removed her bra, some more of her wilting wings broke off. Tastin hardly noticed.

She dreamt of the world the new master spoke of. A world without sin. All souls would come to heaven and live happily no matter how they spent their waking lives. She dreamt of humans without anguish when they die, knowing that they would not suffer. She walked among these people, whom lived accordingly to their hearts desires.

Tastin awoke, she thought, from crying. Then she felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her back. It was strong enough to make her cry out and arch her back. When it subsided she got up and turned on the lights. The sheets were covered in grey matter, smeared where she had lain. She reached back her arm to feel her wings. They weren't there. Instead she felt bumps. She ran into the bathroom and just as she turned on the light another fit of pain stabbed mercilessly through her. Through squinted eyes she looked at her back in the mirror. There were two huge bulges at her shoulder blades. The sight was grotesque and Tastin was disgusted, terrified to see it.

She knew what was happening. She had heard of it, though leaving before having it described to her. She was sprouting wings, without the aid of God. She ran out in the hallway, tore open the patio door and in her rush fell over on the grass. Her wings would be purely physical with nothing astral to let them penetrate walls or ceilings. The grass was wet underneath her and she concentrated on that sensation to help her cope when the pain started again. This time she cried out. She felt the bones struggle against her skin, wanting to break free. She felt the tips begin to puncture the skin, and as it did, the growing accelerated.

She couldn't believe the agony as her wings, her new wings, shot through the skin and into the moonlight. Spanning five meters they would have been an impressive picture. Tastin smiled, finally she felt a shred of purity again. But as she raised her head and looked on her wings, they were shivering slightly, both from the cold and the exhaustion, she was stunned. They were covered in blood and slime. They weren't white, symbolising the glory that was Divinity, and there was no pure one there to look at her and be filled with awe, and confirmation that life had been worth it.

No, she was a filthy creature, not worthy of anything. She brought no good to the world. This new world without sin. After all. With out sin, could there every be anything virtuous?